To write about a sexual assault is not against the law! It is to DO a sexual assault what is against he law!
- A victim of gender-based crime often has no other secure means to warn society about the perpetrator, when her safety, and the safety of other witnesses involved, is not ensured, than to simply speak and write about her experiences
- The burden of reporting to police or court a sexual abuse cannot be put just on the shoulders of the victim, who is terrorized, weakened and must hide from the revenge of the perpetrator. Just because a victim was reluctant to endanger her safety by reporting, this does not mean that the crime has not happened!
- In every country it has to be the State who prosecutes sexual criminals, even without the initiative of the victims themselves. Not it Nepal! It should be the priority of every civilized state not to allow rapists and sadistic attackers of women to walk free among normal people. I have full hope that Nepal will step into this new civilized approach to crimes against women after a Constitution will be accepted and reformed laws will be implemented. Yet until this happens, no one should blame the victims that they were not brave enough to make an official police report or court case.
Featured image: Darshan Subba in 2011 or 2012
(Please, if you wish to share this article, copy the whole article and photos, in case this website and its author would disappear. Thank you!).
Update: This article, originally written in 2015, is now slightly updated and extended. I wish to dedicate it to Bomjon’s latest minor rape victim, Ganga Maya Moktan, who was brave enough to bring out the truth about the ‘Buddha Boy’ in her media reports in 2018, and she encouraged 5 other victims’ families to come out with their own, long hidden, bereavements. Please, help Ganga Maya Moktan and save her from the corrupt and dangerous political supporters of the rapist Ram Bahadur Bomjon of Nepal! Her police report against her rapist had been refused by Nepal Police, even if she was a 14 years old when the rapes started, and now is only 18!
Above: Ganga Maya Moktan Tamang speaks at a press conference to Setopati media. More info: Setopati
I had been kidnapped and held against my will on chains 3 months in Halkhoriya Jungle between December 28 2011 and 24 March 2012. My kidnapper was the famous Buddha Boy of Nepal, whom I had been supporting, praising and volunteering for in Nepal just before he kidnapped me and announced that I was a witch and that I should be tortured, raped and killed. I was still trying to find some spiritual sense in his behavior during the time on chains and the tortures, although my hope was fading after he broke my two wrists, had beaten me nearly to death, breaking a hole on my forehead, and promised me through his followers that I would be killed “soon”. Yet the total breakdown of all of my spiritual hopes came when Bomjon started to send Darshan Limbu, one of the most brutal torturers, to even rape me. This happened during the prayers to his alleged gods, like Maitriya. That time I have fully understood that the whole Buddha Boy phenomena was fake, an evil game, a colossal hoax, and that I have found myself in the net of a monster and his Hellish entourage.
Below is a long-form article about the precedent of Darshan’s rapes, about some details of the sexual abuses during the 3 months on chain, and my analysis and clarifications about this crime. I am below honestly describing my “Stockholm Syndrome” during the captivity by Bomjon, as it was a long and extreme painful process to accept the entirely shocking and dark truth about him and his followers (Bodhi Shrawan Dharma Sangha). By these memories I also wish to help the reader to imagine what we, then-follower victims had gone through innerly, in Bomjon’s Halkhoriya Hell.
1. BOMJON’S INVITATIONS, KIDNAPPING AND WHAT HE DID TO ME – BRIEF OVERVIEW OF THE PRECEDING EVENTS BEFORE THE SEXUAL ASSAULTS
2. DARSHAN’S PART
3. I KEPT THE SECRET – YET THE TRUTH ABOUT DARSHAN’S SEXUAL ASSAULT LEAKED OUT
4. IT WAS NOT ME WHO TOLD IT TO THE MEDIA
5. (BOMJON’S GOSSIP 1)
6. THE SECRET WITNESS
7. THE DETAILS OF THE SEXUAL ASSAULT
8. (BOMJON’S GOSSIP 2)
9. BOMJON LETS RAPED HIS FEMALE DEVOTEE AFTER THE LOSS OF HER BABY
10. FOR THE DEFENSE OF THE FULL TRUTH
11. WHO IS RESPONSIBLE?
12. (BOMJON’S GOSSIP 3)
13. RAPIST ROBED MONK
14. POLICE REPORT, COURT CASE
15. REVENGE? ANGER? RETALIATION?
Above image: Three torture-assistants of Ram Bomjon, from left: Tomasz Henryk Tarnawski (Poland) called Dorje, Bal Hari Rai of Kakarbhitta and Darshan Subba (mother’s surname) Limbu (father’s surname) born in Piluwa and resided in Kakarbhitta and West Bengal. They had all tortured me, at different occasions, extremely brutally, plus Darshan also sexually abused me. All had been but at the direct orders and personal presence (!) of Ram Bahadur Bomjon, after he let me kidnapped me two times, in October 2011 and December 2011, when he kept me in false imprisonment chained to a tree in the jungle for three months.
On the 28th of December 2011 Ram Bomjon lured me to Halkhoria by a message that he wanted to speak with me, sent through Darshan Limbu and Budha lama, who arrived on a motorbike to Pasaha Bridge before I could leave with lama Tcheku on his motorbike to Simara. Darshan told aloud enough for the surrounding shopkeepers to hear this inviting message, who later described the media and police how I had been kidnapped by him and Budha lama. My company, lama Tcheku had been then sent out of Halkhoria compound by Bomjon. Thanks to this lama, in whose monastery I lived that time, seeing that Bomjon had tied me and started to torture me, he could alert media and police. Yet in Nepal, in Bara, it had not much value. Even police had no authority above Tom (Dorje) Tarnowski and Darshan Limbu (Jyampa Foonchok), who forbade the 200-head police force to enter certain areas of the jungle and the office houses, when they came to search for me, and they obeyed them out of respect towards the revered ‘Buddha Boy’. (Of course, that time I did not know they were sent to search for me, and also did not know about the journalists arriving: I learned this all after my release).
Nepali army-police bowed before the authority of Bomjon and his attendants that time in Hakhoria, we can see on many photos and videos, they were queuing up to get his blessing at every puja. They sincerely considered him a holy man, as many of us others… Media was maybe even more courageous, yet we all know from the videos like Prime Story Shanti ki Aatanka or धर्मका नाममा दादागिरी(Dharma Ko Nam Ma Dadagiri), how this attempt to investigate the disappearance of a European devotee, ended: at the sight of thousands of devotees attending Bomjon’s Puja, they had been attacked by Dorje Tom, Darshan Subba (Jyampa Foonchok) and Bal Hari Rai and their cameras broken damaged, memory cards taken out… Though later they managed to return, by the support of the police officers outside of Halkhoria, and get back some of the cameras and receive a financial compensation, which calmed them down….
Images above: Nepali police-army (APF) is queuing up for blessing by Bomjon.
1. BOMJON’S INVITATIONS, KIDNAPPING AND WHAT HE DID TO ME – BRIEF OVERVIEW OF THE PRECEDING EVENTS BEFORE THE SEXUAL ASSAULTS
After I was released, I was still a devotee of Bomjon. I was brainwashed similarly as hundreds of his current devotees. He manipulated events in such a way that I was convinced that the Sangha was to blame for all tortures, and I refused to admit that actually I was tied a few tens of meters from his villa, at his full control and sight, and in that place Darshan was beating, torturing me and also sexually assaulting. And also, in my attempt to defend “Guruji” (as we called him), I tried to belittle the fact that during this torturing 3 months, for which he ordered Waiba to go to the town and buy chains and lockers for me, he once also personally beated me up and ordered Molam lama to re-break my already healed broken right wrist. Then he personally broke my left wrist too.
Images: Marici’s broken hand and its X-ray image a few days after the release from Bomjon’s captivity, in April 2012, phots made in Slovakia
This beating was done during a dark night of New Moon sometimes in the middle of my 3 months stay tied to a tree, when he ordered his attendants to bring me to the public platform still tied by chains, near the huts of devotees. Though he ordered them to go inside their wooden and bamboo houses, I believe that many of them saw and heard what he was doing, because instead of lamps two monks, khenpo Dawa and Budha lama were holding big fire candles on the sitting Bomjon’s two sides, to make some light. After he beated me to blood, he let Usha didi (Dipshika’s aunt) and other people wake up and boil water to clean the blood from the wound on my head. About six or more Tamang women saw what he did to me, but apparently agreed with it…Women’s situation in rural Nepal does not allow them to say their opinions…
It is necessary to understand that I was a very devoted follower of Bomjon, I myself did 3 years of Tapasya from my 16 years, and I was ready to make sacrifices for being accepted as his Chela. That time I was already many years a manager of the original Buddha Boy Google Group dedicated to him (closed down later by Andrea Good), as well as a volunteer in translations of his Mahapranidhana prayer, for which reason I had been invited to Nepal’s Halkhoria in the first place by his local followers and Andrea Good. I was one of the most devoted worshiper of the “Tapasvi”! I was misinterpreting his cruelty towards me as a testing of my devotion, as he did all with such an attitude that it made me believe in this illusion. My only wish was that time to pray for his meditation success and enlightenment, and I believed he himself had to suffer during his alleged 6 years of Tapasya, so I thought that all these beatings and humiliations had some obscure spiritual purpose…!
I even felt such a compassion for his alleged suffering during his Tapasya, that by allowing him and his attendants to torture me I thought that I could take some of the burden from his own suffering on myself… (We were kept in lies by his Sangha, still not aware about the fact that he already lived in a comfortable house then, had a girlfriend and sometimes also ate food). There is some trick in it, which causes that we all, his devotees, were convinced that he was suffering…
It took me long to realize that all was anything else just not Dharma… Yet to understand my attitude when Bomjon, misusing my passivity and zero resistance, beated me, broke my bones and humiliated me, I was not crying, not shouting for help… I wanted to be strong and I trusted him 100%, that he knew why he is so cruel with me. I myself did not know, and he did not even explain, apart from saying a cliché like that he was punishing me for my sins of “free will”, “greed” and “illusion”. If that was true, then he should similarly punish 7 billiard people, as all people do have some part of illusion and greed…
He only complained that I did not come to Halkhoria, when he was calling me back so many times... (This was a secret that I was not allowed to tell anyone, and later I understood that because he was telling something totally different to his Sangha about me!). Darshan was translating this to me, though I understood all that time, while Bomjon continued to beat me. They all knew that Bomjon wanted me to come to Halkhoria all that time, inviting me back, yet in the same time he told to khenpo Gyurme and his outsider Sangha that I was banned. He does this tactic with nearly everyone whom he later attacks: on one side inviting, and to some others he says that if that person arrives, they should attack, tie and beat her/him up. I of course knew he was inviting me all year long, and he always told it was a secret and I kept it secret. Yet I did not always believe him, as I also heard from his Sangha that they are told something else about me (witch, enemy, disturber of his meditation, spy)..
Image above: Back in 2011 we had been all followers and thus friends, both the victim and her torturers. Because we had no reason to be enemies. Only Bomjon’s order, claiming to these people that I was a “witch”, a “spy”, a “disturber of his meditation” and “black magiacian” etc. created artificial enmity among me and these followers. This photo was made during the 2011 May Mahadarshan event, where I had been helping with the translations of Ram Bomjon’s speech into English. I am still sitting around the table with those who later became my torturers and rapists, from left: Darshan Subba Limbu, Ivy Jugoa, me, Nika Lapkovskaya and Bal Hari Rai.
There was a general confusion, what he really wanted concerning Marici. To Waiba and one outsider lama he told “I have plans with Marici in Halkhoria”. This sounded to me positive, though today I know that those plans were to kidnap and torture me… Yet we, devotes, tend to automatically view the “plans” of a “guru” with us as something entirely spiritual and beneficial… Bomjon, the Great Illusionist, made me totally trust in his best intentions, so it was very easy to lure me there.
So I made it as a compromise during those invitations in 2011: when he called me, I came only to the outskirts of his compound, not inside, and never to his meditation place,his tree. I came to the outer settlement area only, (1) when, walking is faraway Pasaha, I once saw a big forest fire inside his Halkhoria compound with flames in high trees, and I went to help the nuns to extinguish it, worried that Bomjon or the devotees would be harmed. (2) Another time I went to the settlement area when persecuted by his Sangha, to ask for protection. (3) And the third time was when I returned the white dog in October, at which occasion they first attacked me at his command… In contrary to the false gossips Bomjon was spreading already from October 2011, I had never come to his banyan tree or any other inner meditation place of him and never disturbed him in meditation. I myself am a Yogi already 25 years, Yoga teacher and meditator. I used to meditate and pray for him, when I came near to his fence.
Above image: A 2011 snapshot from the video of Paolo Bignardi “Foreigners in meditation…” made during one of the public “blessing programs” in Halkhoriya, when, together with about 100 people, I was attending a public meeting with Ram Bomjon, called “Dharma Sangha” that time. This photo also shows me in a typical state of mind I was when meeting the “enlightened guru”. I was meditating and praying for him. It did not cross my mind that he could ever harm me, or that his followers could, especially because I had the best intentions.
2. DARSHAN’S PART
This is the part which is framing and preceding the 3 months of his keeping me captive. That time I did not know that another woman, the Nepali Maata was there too. Darshan told me that Bomjon’s New Dharma is to chain people in the jungle, and that they had a lot of work to go around them. I was sure then that this was a nonsense, as I thought that Bomjon chained me there for some kind of very tough practice, to test my devotion to himself…I did not believe he would behave so cruelly with worldly people, who had no practice of Yoga and self-discipline, like I myself had. A usual worldly person could not manage that physical and mental torture, loneliness in a dark jungle, surrounded by wild animals and snakes, and permanent threatening that they would kill him/her, I was sure… I was then thinking that he did this to me only, as I was very devoted to him, and he wanted to try out, how far can I go?
Image above: during the time I was chained in the jungle, another woman was yelling and waling there, but I was not sure if that was true or just again some trick, because Bomjon and his assistants used similar “background effects” to graduate my suffering and terror during the time I was there. Only after I was released I was shocked to learn that there was really another woman kidnapped and tortured by Bomjon. She was released at the humble request of the police (not any law enforcement! Bomjon is practically above the law in Nepal!) a few days after me. She did not trust the police after her release and disappeared. I have tried to find her, to understand better what and why did happen to us in that Bomjon’s Hell, but never could hear about her again.
I was thinking this till the last days when during Maitri Puja Darshan came to sexually assault me, saying: “Guruji told me that now I can do with you just anything I want”... (in a sexual sense). Yet Darshan was obviously not so happy with that task. After three months of not washing myself, being a woman with female periods, tortured to a state when I was so thin that my bones were hurting my skin when sitting or lying, I could hardly be a “sexy” woman… I was telling Darshan: you have your wife here, cooking for all Sangha, why do you need it from me, who is old and dirty? His two smaller sons Manish and Anish were with her in the nearby jungle settlement, I often heard their voices when playing… Could a normal father and husband rape a woman so near to his family? But he told something in the sense that it was “more exciting this way”, when I was a smelling elder skinny ruin… what sounded like something perverse...
Yet Darshan’s sexual assault was simply not totally convincing to me. It was not done with that typical passion of harming a woman whom a man hated, or not even with a real passion for sexual satisfaction, obviously. It was done as a task to fulfill. His beautiful, cute and young wife was just a about five minutes walk from that tree…
I knew Darshan from before. He used to be my friend! It was only because Bomjon had brainwashed him with something, that he was suddenly transformed to a monster in Halkhoria, similarly like my other previous devotee-friends, whom I loved and prayed for them so many times: Tom Dorje, Molam lama… In Halkhoria even their faces changed, they acquired a dark aura, a strange energy… They spoke very rudely, absolutely not typical for anyone with spiritual interest. They spoke like members of a mafia-gang, cynically and ironically, insulting me permanently. I never gave them reason for this, as they used to be my devotee-friends just a few days before (only Dorje was already brainwashed to attack me, with Bal Hari Rai, earlier, in October 2011)…
Above image: In this video shot from Shanti ki aatanka Darshan is shown as one of the attackers of the 5 journalists who came to the 2012 Maitri Puja event to investigate my disappearance. Darshan was shown in this striped jumper also on many other photos made by the followers during the crowded “religious” gathering, where Tibetan Buddhist lamas had been chanting Bomjon’s prayers about purity, moral rules, holiness, while Darshan, in this very striped jumper, used to come to my torture place and sexually abuse me, practically “to the tact” of the chanting of Bomjon’s mantras and prayers! He had been sent by Bomjon to beat me and torture in many different ways, and Bomjon also arrived a few times.
I was very surprised by their change. It seemed that there was a spiritual mask of Halkhoria Compound played to the outer world, of which I was part of for long, but those inside, among a smaller circle of “initiates”, they apparently already knew that this all had nothing to do with any Maitreya or Dharma, any compassion, any non-violence, any sexual purity.. When I tried to beg them for humanness and compassion “in the name of Maitreya, Avalokiteshvara, Buddha…” Darshan and Dorje were just laughing cynically…
Note about the proof of Darshan’s sexual assualts at Bomjon’s order :
Many Sangha members are now trying to defend Darshan and claim that he never confirmed them that he had sexually assaulted me. It is a very strange way though to get the truth about a sexual crime directly from the criminal. I don’t know any case that a rapist would tell anyone after he raped, that he did it! Especially not to the public. If Darshan denies it speaking to Sangha members, that cannot be taken as a proof.
On the other hand, Darshan evidently thought that I would be killed after all he did to me. That’s why he was probably so careless about the abundant biological proof he had left behind… If one can remember the Bill Clinton – Monika Lewinski affair, which caused that Clinton lost his career – it is easy to understand that Darshan (and his patron, Ram Bomjon, the world’s alleged “Maitriya”) cannot claim lies about his crime forever. So it is not a question if he did it, as proofs are available. The question is only if he and Bomjon will once be ready to face law and justice, and God…
3. I KEPT THE SECRET – YET THE TRUTH ABOUT DARSHAN’S SEXUAL ASSAULT LEAKED OUT
I promised Darshan, when he was coming with the news to release me, that I would not tell outside the details of the elaborated torture by which they were torturing me on the chains three months. Until now I did not tell it to anyone. This stays my secret, offered to keep secret for my freedom. Darshan and Dorje know the sadistic and very evil ways of Bomjon’s specific torture, yet they would never speak, out of fanaticism or fear. They are so brainwashed that they had long ago accepted the rule to lie in the name of Bomjon’s “dharma” and to protect him from bad reputation or even problems with the law. I heard recently that in a conversation, Ivy Jugoa, the Dutch president of the European Sangha of Ram Bomjon, had told to a French ex-follower, Ivan: “I am ready to even kill, if Guruji orders it to me…”.
Then and there, Darshan and Dorje were like machines, like prolonged arms of the “guru”, who still did not give me any explanation why did he kidnap, tie on chains and let tortured me, a dedicated devotee who spent all her days and nights those times in 2011 to pray for his success and protection…
So what I had promised, I am still keeping: I am not speaking about the daily and very twisted way of torture, which was the base of Bomjon’s effort to totally destroy my soul and body and individuality. I think he wanted to demoralize me, break me like the mahout breaks the will of an elephant, by physical pain, causing suffering, humiliation and terror, so that he could transform me into his brainwashed tool, like so many others… Yet this part, namely the sexual assault by Darshan, surprisingly was witnessed by some people, who went out to inform the outside world about it. I was not speaking about this even when Mr. Sharma and Mr. Bokhara of the police asked me to give an account about what was done to me there: it was not me who went to police to report them, not at all! It was the Sangha who sent the police on me, after the release. I myself was keeping my word, I did not want to make a police report against Bomjon and his gang, I just wanted peace… I kept my word, and I was ready to keep the sexual abuse also secret. My word was a promise done in despair for freedom. I told Darshan “tell Guruji that I promise would never speak about what he was doing to me here, just if he lets me free”… And I am still not speaking about Bomjon’s own very special torture methods which could make a mentally weaker person mad or die from terror…
Image above: Darshan and Dorje (my two main torturers, apart from Bomjon himself, in 2012) carrying water from Bomjon’s spring, where no other foreign devotees were allowed to go (otherwise they could see that the “guru” had been drinking, maybe?). This photo is from 2011 when they had been still my follower friends. A few months later they had been carrying my chained-all-over body on this very walking path in Halkhoriya’s jungle settlement, as this is also the path to the tree where I had been chained, facing this photo it was about 3 min. walk right from this path. Could I have guessed that these two friendly volunteers will change into devils who help Bomjon make me handicapped for all life…?
Yet the irony of life is that the truth finds its ways out, even if the victims are scared to speak. And Darshan’s sexual assault, no matter how terrible, was actually just part of the profound and elaborated sadistically tricky torture that Bomjon prepared there for me. After the release I was detained by Immigration because the Sangha committee gathered to decide so, when discussing what to do with me to make sure that I would have no conditions to and time to make a police report in Nepal. After the release from the jungle detention they have (compassionately?) decided to report me to Immigration (as I could not, obviously, extend my visa while chained 3 months to a tree, so I was overstaying my Nepali visa by 3 more months due to being a kidnapped victim). The main leader of that committee to decide what to do with Marici, was Kim Nguyen, president of the US Sangha of Bomjon.
In that Immigration detention I stayed 1 week, until I got 2600 usd from Europe to cover the visa overstay, largely caused by the kidnapping and holding captive by Bomjon in Halkhoria, by the help of a man representing my embassy in Delhi, who appeared in the later days and his help was to give me a bag of refreshments and a paper and pen to write any address in my country who could send me money… What is most absurd, I had to actually pay for my involuntary stay as a kidnap victim of a Nepali guru. (The Sangha did not have any problem with this, and till today they probably think that kidnapped tourists who overstay their visa due to this crime and the crime of holding captive against one’s will, should pay for their overstay…)
So I was free only a few hours after Bomjon’s 3 months detention on chain, when I could not even walk or move much. Immediately I was detained again. In that place daily many journalists came, but left disappointed, as I refused to give details about what was done to me in the captivity by Bomjon himself. I even did not say that time that it was chains by which Bomjon ordered Waiba to buy it, and Dorje, Darshan, Molam, Budha lama and Shangbo Dong to tie me.
(Update 2019: Molam lama is the now disappeared and apparently murdered Suresh Ale Magar! Did Bomjon kill, or will he kill his other accomplices as well, so that they can never give an account to the police?)
The journalists and also policemen Sharma and Bokhara had been repeatedly asking me if Bomjon had raped me, what sounded to me, that time, totally absurd. I always told them that Bomjon himself did not rape me, but tortured me in different ways and violence, and that he was instructing all other torturers what to do with me.
4. IT WAS NOT ME WHO TOLD IT TO THE MEDIA! (The secret witness of Darshan sexually abusing me)
I had no money then, and was faced with the amount of 2600 usd to free me, otherwise I would be jailed for 4 years, I was told by Immigration. They did not send me to medical treatment with my two broken hands and weakness, probably this is not a practice towards crime victims in Nepal yet. In that very state, as a victim of 3 months intensive torture of Bomjon, I was further terrorized by continuing jail.
Yet the media who arrived, daily 4-5 people, did not help me even with a single coin of rupee. It was against the law, they said. I begged them, as well as I begged them for a mobile phone call, or to give me some food, or to allow me to use Internet to inform people who might help me.. In that detention food has to be paid by the person detained. The office did give me meals, but on credit, and after a few days they told if I did not pay, they would stop to give me food as well… But some guards and detainees paid for me finally, out of compassion. One could find compassionate Nepalis anywhere in Nepal, even in a jail: but NOT in Halkhoria, not in a spiritual compound naming itself “Maitri”… What an absurdity...
Only a Kantipur journalist N. K. promised me to send an email to my friend in Europe, to inform him about my situation, but also told that journalists are not allowed to give money to the interviewed subjects. This was the reason why other media also did not help me with money I think. Yet I also did not fulfill their expectations, as I hardly told any details and I was still defending Bomjon…
Image above: the photo from Darshan’s Facebook site shows him from the times when he was an active member of the Osho organization in Nepal, together with Bal Hari Rai (who was or is still a licensed Osho instructor, while later he became a criminal attacker and torturer). Darshan Limbu is the second from left (long hair) and Bal Hari the fourth from left. Osho followers in Nepal often practice promiscuity and live a sexually more unusual lifestyle. (Bal Hari Rai, although married, had married paralelly with Czech Jana Klepkova, and after receiving an EU Shengen Visa, he divorced the cheated woman, who was working in the EU office in Brussels that time.)
5. (BOMJON’S GOSSIP 1)
I am writing these details because in a next article I will describe the absurd gossips which Bomjon is generating: concretely that I allegedly “sold the story of my captivity to media for huge money”. This is what he told to his immediate nearest Sangha circle, wisely he never says such gossips in wide public, as more intelligent and compassionate people would not accept this. He can afford to say such things only in his carefully selected group of followers. His gossip came back to me from two very unexpected sources, and his followers write this lie under my YouTube.com videos as well (concretely some Juan Revelo of Colombia). It is shocking to me, because I myself refused to say details about the captivity just to defend Bomjon, and if he ever had any psychic abilities, he knows this. But the question is not really if he knows my true attitude, but if he ever had compassion and truthfulness in himself.
The gossips of Bomjon I am publishing in a separate article. Here I wished to describe the circumstances of Darshan’s sexual abuse and the fact that I myself was ready to keep it secret. In that week of permanent bombardment with media I did not say a word about it!
6. THE SECRET WITNESS
But then arrived Avenue TV with the group of very informed reporters. They were interviewing me there, and later at the airport, before I was deported. To my great shock the reporter knew about Darshan Subba’s sexual attacks! How could he know? I was surprised. He faced me with the direct question, just a few seconds before we also recorder it, and I had to say the truth. I never lie. I maybe keep things untold, but i cannot lie directly to a face to anyone. He asked me then, at the airport, “are you ready to repeat this confirmation in the camera?” I told that if they anyway knew this already, I cannot lie about it…
I asked him who told them this, that I had been sexually assaulted by Darshan (he even knew his name!), but obviously he refused to tell me. Journalists always keep their informers safe. The irony in this all is that until this journalist told me, I did not even know what was Darshan’s surname! I did not ask him and there was no need for it all over 2011, as we had not been so near friends, just meeting occasionally. I hope that the interviewer once will tell the truth to the public, that they had an informer who told about the rapes and who did it, long before I even knew the surname of my rapist! So I learned that he is “Limbu” actually there at the airport. (I knew only Darshan’s other surname, Subba, because Sapana Subba his mother, was my friend in Piluwa).
Until today I don’t know for sure who could have told this to the media. But there were actually many insiders of Halkhoria, who were sometimes walking around me and saw me in that condition. It might be that some of these Tamang ladies and memes (old men, monks) did feel some compassion with me, but that they were afraid to do something against Bomjon’s order… and they told what they saw, outside. Or was it Bomjon himself? After all, he was a witness who was my “neighbor” there all the time, and he was also the commander. Who would know better…?
So yes, I confirmed to the Avenue TV camera that Darshan Limbu had actually sexually assaulted me. The irony of this is that I did not even know that his name was Limbu! It was the reporter who first told me. I knew his mother’s name was Subba, so I thought his name was also Darshan Subba, and this is how he introduced himself to me as well, before. Later I learned that his caste name Limbu was also used.
7. THE DETAILS OF THE SEXUAL ASSAULT
So he came one day, during the Maitri Puja 2012, when monks were chanting mantras in the loudspeakers, and the voice was arriving to my place too, with the order that “now he is allowed by Guruji to do just anything to me as he desired”, in a sexual sense. He seemed to be very anxious to fulfil Bomjon’s wish to harm me and humiliate me as much as he was able to, by this. Yet I recognized a slight embarrassment in him while doing this “dharmic task”…
It was about 4 or 5 occasions. All during the Maitri Puja, in the breaks between chanting the Seven Prayers. Later, from photos I saw that Darshan was actively participating in that Maitri Puja wearing that same striped jumper, in which he was sexually abusing me… Very shocking is this to me. He was organizing the puja, I saw him enjoying the presence of foreign devotees, watching the video of their guru on a laptop with them … laughing, smiling… While he came in the breaks of the chanting to sexually torture me and beat as well! When I asked him how could he do these two totally opposite things, he just told something in the sense that there was no God and he did not believe… It was strange to hear from someone who was Bomjon’s one of most trusted attendants!
Image: Darshan Limbu in his striped jumper, in which he came to sexually assault me. This is a snapshot from the publicly available TV News on YouTube.com , showing how Darshan and Dorje attacked the journalists which came to search for me to Bomjon’s Puja, while I was still chained to a tree in the jungle behind the stage of Maitreya image and Bomjon’s throne.
First he told me I had to do oral sex to him. As he had a stick and he was regularly torturing me before by beating and hitting and thrashing, but really not exceedingly, I was afraid that if I refused, I would be against tortured. At that stage, nearly the third months of daily torture, I was exhausted and apathetic. He told me: “If you do this to me, you would be released tomorrow”. I did not believe much, but i thought that I would do anything for being freed from their chains, nearly anything… Moreover until this moment i was still worshiping Bomjon, as I was still thinking that all this torture was just to test my devotion to him, and I wished to prove him that nothing can turn me away from loving and respecting him…
Not true! This “task” to take Darshan’s thing to my mouth was so shocking to me, that I was broken down by this. Obviously all this was not something I ever desired, I came to Nepal with a vow of celibacy, paradoxically inspired by (my illusion about) Bomjon’s own celibacy and “innocence”.
In Prague I left a beautiful, sexy, handsome and intelligent partner, the father of my deceased baby… I had absolutely no reason to search for any sexual adventure in Nepal, I was never a sex-tourist type, I was a spiritual person, a meditator and intellectual! Though we had some tensions in our relationship with my partner, it was me who left him and decided to finish with it, in the name of “pursuing dharma” as a follower of Bomjon! If I ever wanted physical relationship with a man again, I could anytime return and stay with my long-time partner, who exceeds Darshan in all human qualities. Yet I went to Nepal with the naive innocence that near that “pure meditating Ascetic” teenager, who could be my son, I would forget the pain from the loss of my son, that I would find solace, a spiritual and celibate environment!
8. BOMJON’S GOSSIP 2
Bomjon was spreading a new lie to cover the fact that I was sexually assaulted at his order to Darshan to “do anything to Marici what he desired”, in his vicinity: he was telling to his followers to spread that I and Darshan had a normal sexual relationship! I heard this gossip in a few versions from devotees. One version is that I was supposed to have sex with Darshan, yet not during the captivity by Bomjon at Maitri Puja. This is a lie. I was moreover staying in Darshan’s wife’s house, and she became my friend. I would also never do anything like this to my friend, and moreover Darshan was never my type simply. Everyone knew from the old-timers that I was entirely spiritual in my reasons to go to Nepal and Halkhoria. I had no sexual interests, only meditation. I was also relatively old, 45. My baby died in 2007, after I started to watch Bomjon’s videos and became connected to him. My health (women’s health) was also damaged by this problem in my high pregnancy. Experiencing that sex can lead to such sadness as losing one’s child, I never again wanted to return to it. That moment I also decided to become Bomjon’s devotee and dedicate my life to meditation near him and serving him with all my skills as translator-assistant and volunteer.
9. BOMJON LETS RAPED HIS FEMALE DEVOTEE AFTER THE LOSS OF HER BABY
Yet the reaction of Bomjon to me was something entirely cruel and inhuman. He made Darshan to sexually abuse me, after a prolonged torture by himself, Dorje, Darshan, Molam lama, Shangbo Dong and Khaiba, a few minutes from his villa, a few meters walk from the Maitri Puja stage, during the Puja itself! The idea was so twisted and blasphemic, that only then I started to doubt if “Guruji” was here at all for promoting any dharma or morality… It seemed then, when Darshan was defiling my mouth, ears, head, hair, tent, clothes etc… that Bomjon was here not for promoting dharma at all, if he could ever order, support, witness and tolerate this. Still believing in his psychic abilities, described by many devotees like Andrea Good, online, that he hears and sees everything everywhere (“guru is everywhere” he said to his Sangha in 2011) – during those dark nights when Darshan was masturbating using my body, I was shouting in my soul “please please Dharma Sangha come and save me from this monster Darshan, do you not see he is dirtying me? do you really agree with this? do you really want this to do in the name of your Maitreya Dharma???” But Bomjon never arrived to help me… At one point, when I was weeping and singing and shouting out of despair of being tortured with sexual humiliating, he only appeared far from my place in his white robe, maybe 200 meters or more from me, standing there and just watching me, how I was weeping and begging to end this hell…
Until Darshan’s sexual assaults I was very silent, suffering patiently and trusting “Guruji” that this tough test would soon end due to his “compassion” as I believed then… Yet when the sexual abuse started, I was totally broken and I lost my trust that Bomjon would be anything dharmic.
Darshan came usually at night with this task, and practically he was unable to satisfy himself by using my body, so it was later more about just defiling me after he masturbated on me and forced me to drink his semen. At one occasion he used so much force though, that I nearly suffocated and thought I would die. I never experienced in my life any rape, any forced sex, and especially with someone who was so undesirable to me… I vomited for hours…
At one of the last occasions he came with an idea that he would rape me “there down”. But he was not forceful with this, and it was obvious to me that this was an order and absolutely not his own wish. I was very smelly and dirty, as they never allowed me to wash myself, even when I had female months, all the three months… No normal man would wish that with a ruined and dirty body… Thanks God I managed to explain him that this would be dangerous even for him, as he could get some terrible illness due to me not been allowed basic hygiene. Only when he imagined his own selfish dangers, he was ready to not to proceed with this “task”… and repeated just the usual defiling of my body by his masturbation…
Image above: Darshan in later years during Bomjon’s time in Sindhuli and Sarlahi districts had been de-robed for some reason and appointed one of Bomjon’s personal body guards. Andrea Good had been writing about him during those years (2013 – 2014) that Darshan is a reincarnation of a “protective Buddhist deity” because he was always walking with a sword. In fact Bomjon gave swords to a few of his followers not for protecting himself, but for attacking innocent people like i was. What actually happened a few times again, between 2012 and now, as we know from the news…
10. FOR THE DEFENSE OF THE FULL TRUTH
No matter how much people would view him as a monster, and as the only or main criminal after he sold his soul to do such harm to one of his devotee friends, I must emphasize that Darshan was not acting out of his own evilness. He simply was not “propelled” by a genuine hate energy, rather I saw in him that he was forced to act like this, but very apparently did have doubts. He was beating me and torturing, but it was not extreme, like as if he would really hate me.
He was very obviously just used as a means of torture by Bomjon, and he behaved like he had to do those agreed tasks, but it was a pre-planned torture, not based, understandingly, on Darshan’s own conflict with me, because we did not have any conflict, before I was kidnapped and kept captive in Halkhoria, we were good friends. Darshan certainly enjoyed my torture at certain occasions, having some perverse “fun” from my despair, from my terrorized state, from my helplessness and ruined condition and begging for freedom…
His torture was verbal as well, and he often told me “dirty bitch” and similar words. Yet this all was happening under the exact personal control of Ram Bomjon, who was residing nearby, and this was his own fenced land, his own “forbidden area” where even Puja attendees were not allowed to come. Only Tamang workers, villagers, who used to carry out logs of wood nearly daily, during the preparation of the Maitri Puja, saw me there, but they were devotees of Bomjon. Bomjon of course knew what was going on, and heard my lamentation, and even anyone just a little curious could see and hear what Darshan was doing to me, as this was all happening in the open forest.
Moreover Darshan, as well as Dorje, had been recording all on their mobile phones, when they came to my place to beat and torture me, as I have seen them switching on and off their mobile when they arrived to me and left. I guess they had to regularly show the records from their tortures to Bomjon, who was too busy with the Maitri Puja gathering and other “holy tasks” that time. I was guarded (from onlookers or from police who could find me) by old monks, “memes”, who used to sit a few meters down from my place, but when Darshan used to come with a plan to torture or sexually abuse me, he always sent them away. I recognize the faces of those old monks on Bomjon’s current videos and photos.
11. WHO IS RESPONSIBLE?
Currently his followers are trying to take away Bomjon’s responsibility for what was done to me by Darshan during the captivity on chain. Yet who ordered to put me on that chain…? Mani Lama in the Kathmandu Press Conference told openly to journalists (record available on YouTube), that it was Bomjon and his Bodhi Shrawan Dharma Sangha Committee who put me on that chain. Mani Lama claimed that I posed a danger and disturbance to Bomjon’s planned Maitri Puja, though he did not specify why I would do that, if I used to attend all former similar programs in 2011… That was, according to this ex-health minister of Nepal, chief of the Kathmandu BSDS Committee of Ram Bomjon, the reason that they chained me to that tree, so that I could “meditate” there, and “not harrass” Bomjon”…
He forgot to explain how was it that I got to that jungle at all, though, when I lived in Simara that time (that I was kidnapped) and also how it is that I came out with two broken wrists and so many wounds and bruises…
12. (BOMJON’S GOSSIP (3)
So the official Bomjon Committee admitted that it was them who chained me there. Yet Bomjon is fooling everyone differently: to his foreign Sangha, who could not understand the Nepalese Press Conference, in which Mani lama speaks on that TV news video, he could easily lie that “Marici had chained herself to a tree in Halkhoria, as a protest that she was not allowed to stay in his compound”…. I was shocked at this new gossip again, yet not surprised. There had been many twisted “versions” invented by Bomjon to spread about my captivity by him, to make it seem something different than it was: a criminal deed of a guru, provoking to criminal deeds his own followers against his own follower.
One of the twisted versions of Bodhi Shrawan Dharma Sangha was that I had broken my own wrists purposely, as well as I did all the other wounds on my own body. Most probably they also claimed that I had raped myself…
Recently there had been efforts from him and his Sangha to put all blame on Darshan. No matter how much Darshan lowered himself to act as Bomjon’s tool of crime, I would not like to demonize him as the only person responsible. There were other people involved as well, Tom Dorje, who knew about Darshan’s deeds, and Dorje also sometimes beated me. Molam lama, who broke my hand in front of 4 other devotees, at Bomjon’s order. Shangbo Dong and Khaiba, who brought excrements from the toilet to dirt me. Dorje also brought a full bag of excrements… And all those women and men, old monks and nuns, who knew about me chained there, saw me brought there and brought out for beating…
If anyone ever wanted to accuse Darshan as the only criminal of that captivity, that would be unjust. If Darshan will ever stand in front of a judge, a police or even God, there will have to stand near him tens of other “devotees” involved in it. And one more person: Ram Bahadur Bomjon, the mastermind of all that cruelty, meanness and calculating torture… The “Guruji” who stampeded on my devotion, love, worry and respect in such a way, what turns all values of dharma upside down.
To confirm that he not only told Darshan to do me those terrible things, but even “lovingly agreed” with all that, he protected Darshan from prosecution, trying to twist all into an image that I was supposed to be mentally disturbed, and that the sexual abuse never happened anywhere else than in my mind… He instructed Darshan, whom he then appointed even his Spokesperson, to tell this to Himalayan Times in September 2012, adding that I was supposed to even attack him physically myself! At other occasions he turned strategy, and told his other group of worshipers that it did happen, but that it happened voluntarily (can anyone imagine a voluntary sexual act with a kidnapped woman tied on chains? Obviously sexual desire was my last worry in that condition when I was slowly dying from exhaustion and weakness!).
13. RAPIST ROBED MONK
Image above: A photo of Darshan holding a dead snake, from a Facebook site of a good friend of Darshan, Ivy Jugoa of Holland. Darshan was not a Buddhist monk when he was torturing me between January and March 2012. But Bomjon wanted to award him for his “services” and ordained the rapist a Buddhist monk just after I was released. When Bomjon moved to Sindhuli, Darshan became also his main spokesperson there, and spoke to the media about the case, where he had been the culprit. He claimed that he had never raped me and that his victim was mentally ill and attacked Bomjon herself. This “proof” was apparently enough for Nepalese media and police, and they had never again investigated my case! Yet I have saved that media article on The Himalayan Times, and it shows that Darshan’s raping and violence had been ordered and awarded by ram Bomjon, and that he did not act for himself (what his followers currently claim to clean Bomjon of the crime and put all sin on Darshan).
Bomjon even went further in his protection of his “court rapist”: he rewarded Darshan with a monk robe, and gave him a monk name JYAMPA FOONCHOK, soon after the tortures. I think Gautama Buddha and His teaching was extremely defiled by this act. To make a monk someone who had sold his soul to be a tool of torture, violence and rape, by a guru who actually ordered those things, who was nearby and was controlling the process of torture for months, is certainly not Dharma!
Darshan continued to be Bomjon’s nearest attendant, and during the time when Bomjon returned to Halkhoria in 2014, after a secret and not publicized court of Hetauda allegedly gave him the permission, Darshan was again staying with him there, local sources told me… Bomjon is certainly favoring people who attack others, and rape meditating women and Sannyasinis at his own orders. This favoring by the “guru” would never happen in case Darshan would have acted on his own initiative. A real guru with real dharma would reprimand such a followers, tell him to repair the harm, and certainly not allow him to be an authority above further newcomers, as Darshan was. But would a real guru kidnap and chain a female devotee of himself, in the first place…?
So all Darshan ever did, was to fulfill a command of his guru. That’s why that guru was satisfied with his “performing” and rewarded him and protected from public denunciation. Now, after two years, people in the Sangha started to understand what happened, but instead of looking at the full truth, which involves much more people working together in my collective persecution, torture and hate-campaign, they try to put all blame on this one person.
14. POLICE REPORT, COURT CASE
Yet I know that I have not so much money as they have, to overpay lawyers and other legal figures with influence. I know I cannot fight alone against such a big cult with political support and a rich sponsor community abroad, in the USA, Canada, Korea, Singapore, Europe… I am just a moneyless Sadhuni with no political contacts, and if someone gives me occasionally gifts, those are just to cover my food and shelter. I also know that Ram Bomjon has the boon of being un-harmable, no matter if anyone believes in this, rather non-secular and “mystical” statement…
But I know, and later attempts of other victims of Bomjon to get legal justice proved it, that I cannot overpay the Sangha they would always be able to mobilize all their sponsors to pay for the silence of victims and witnesses, as the last years proved. I know that only the God of Truth is on my side.
In a Western country it would be the state prosecutor who would start an investigation and eventually punish such crimes. Yet Nepal is in a political instability ad police forces are weaker than religious cult figures with the support of local mafia leaders. I hope that the Constitution will change this situation, because actually many policemen had a genuine effort to make justice in the Bomjon case. But they failed. But many people try to put all the responsibility for investigation, proving, organizing and convincing witnesses, other victims, on my shoulders: who was a victim. I do not have the resources to organize and finance an investigation, with ensuring the armed protection of witnesses and victims who would speak out. This all is the responsibility of the Nepali Government, who should clearly decide if it wishes his inhabitants to live together with freely walking rapists and attackers of women, and sadistic torturers… The Government should have made a criminal investigation, and take into account the about 40 victims of similar attacks and tortures, most of these cases even reported in Nepali media. How can anyone think that this is a victim’s responsibility? If a victim is weakened by the tortures and attacks, terrorized, poor to pay for a lawyer and court, how could one do this? And Bomjon is very wise: when he feels the needs to attacks or torture human beings he always picks up the poorest and most lonely people, Sadhunis, poor villagers (like the 17 Madeshi men, Maata, the shepherd boy of Ratanpuri…). None of us can have so much money and political influence, like he has. And he knows this.
Image above: As seen in Darshan’s yet another Facebook alias, he had absconded to the UK , probably to avoid public criticism or eventual police investigation, after it came out how he tortured an d sexually abused me and many other victims of Bomjon (together with him, of course). Ivan S., an ex-follower of France told me that Darshan had escaped but from Bomjon himself, because the “guru” decided to kill him, most probably due to the fact that he knew just too much about his past crimes. As I know that Bomjon is a manipulator and spreads gossips about himself and his followers to change attitudes, I cannot fully trust this hearsay told in Bomjon’s Sangha in the later years (2015 – …). According to Mani Lama, Darshan is in Darjeeling, India. In any case, it is surprising that a criminal of such a caliber had been allowed to cross to the UK and stay there, even if he was “just” an accomplice of Ram Bomjon!
15. REVENGE? ANGER? RETALIATION?
To clarify the many gossips against me: when I am informing about Darshan, I am not doing it as a revenge or at anger. I do not feel revenge or anger! I know he acted as a tool, without a soul and conscience involved. Do we get angry at a virus which causes an epidemic? Or do we want to revenge the mud which defiles our body in monsoon times? Do we feel retaliation against a river which floods and destroys? Do we feel hatred to stones which fall down from a mountain and destroy a car?
Similarly, Darshan and even many other members of the Sangha, had been just soul-less tools in the hands of their guru, brainwashed fanatics who long ago lost all their conscience and human faces, and if they display some of seemingly spiritual qualities, it is just used as a mechanical tactic to attract new people to them. Loyal friendliness, pathetic words about “maitri”, “compassion”, have to hide who they really are, when it comes to an order to act out violence, cynical cruelty, sexual perversity… We should rather pity them, because they were once people, but not any more.
So I don’t feel revenge, anger or retaliation towards Darshan and other torturers: I feel just terrible sadness and pain, when I saw those people before, how lively and friendly they used to be, how much fun we had as co-devotees, how we were dreaming about a “heaven” in Halkhoria, when we all would sit around the guru in love and devotion, withot any discrimination and without any negativity… I even traveled to Kakarbhitta and met Darshan’s brother, wife, two cute children…I gave them 800 rps to fill up the school fee, because Darshan had to serve Bomjon and could not earn money for his children. And I also lived in the room of his poor mother Swapna, a teacher in Piluwa, provided by Bara Academy, as she was my friend. She was teaching me Nepali, I was teaching her English. To this day it can be found in the old Google Group, that I organized a money collection from Bomjon devotees to finish her new house in Piluwa, as she needed 11 000 rps for the roof of her house, but did not have it. The devotees sent me this money and I gave her, and how she lives in that house. Yet her own son, Darshan, was torturing me three months and sexually harmed me a few weeks later… What an absurd irony! As if Bomjon was angry about my friendship with the Subba family and wished to show a revenge…?
Image above: Darshan Limbu and Michael Leon (UK/USA) in the Halkhoriya settlement. When an ex-follower asked Michale on Facebook, why did he support Bomjon even after he had kidnapped and tortured me, Marici, Michael Leon (Jyampa Dorje) wrote that he does not want to sacrifice his time to “mud slinging”. In his eyes my whole three month suffering was simply not an important issue. Leon is very busy with (speaking about) compassion and love and maitri all over the Internet. Did Bomjon pick up such heartless and cruel people, or did they become like that due to some strange brainwashing method that Bomjon uses…?
I cannot understand Bomjon’s hatefulness up till today… I loved and admired him, I was praying for him, propagating him…
How could just one single “guru” transform Darshan, as well as Dorje, Bal Hari, etc. to monsters? What is that force which convinces such formerly normal men, to act as cynical criminals and heartless torturers, not just against me, but also against the other victims, Maata, Bomjon’s siblings… ?
At one occasion in Halkhoria, when Bomjon was speaking to me long, and Molam lama was unsuccessfully attempting to translate me what he was all saying (as I did not understand much Nepali those times), Molam managed to translate another sentence than the one I mention above. I was complaining then to Bomjon, that his Sangha created a “ban” to me to enter Halkhoria, because at that point I still was kept in ignorance about his personal involvement in that ban. He told me “whatever my Committee or my Sangha is doing, that is what I want them to do! I am the same as my Committee!”
In a more public conversation he also told this famous sentence during the khenpo Sonam Gyurme time:
“Don’t blame my Sangha and my Commitee: blame me!”
So assuming that he was telling the truth when saying these sentences in 2011 in front of many people, I have only one possibility whom to blame for Darshan’s sexual assault, torture and inhuman behavior during the kidnapping and captivity organized by Bomjon….
Satyam Eva Jayate!
After he sexually abused me regularly in Halkhoriya, Darshan apparently engaged in activism against rape in India… This snapshot was made from his Facebook site.
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